U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
