if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
