Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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