My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
