I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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