Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
