i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
