omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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