He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
