He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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