Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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