according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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