You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
