there's paper in my vomit.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
