At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
