I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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