i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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