so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize