Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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