Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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