Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
