pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
