You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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