You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
