if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
wow bdsm is so cute
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