I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
