i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
