If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
