peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize