just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
