I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
