It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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