Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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