um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
how drunk are you?
Several
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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