Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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