I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
