Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
ttyl tear gas
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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