You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
