Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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