what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
