All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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