yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
