Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
