It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
