DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize