Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
