I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
