he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
