Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
