I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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