Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
