I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
