A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
