Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
