i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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