he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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