How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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