I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize