So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
