Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I will be naked everywhere
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize