i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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