what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
