are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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