I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
