If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
my liver is dry heaving
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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