I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
