I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
