brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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